The Sequel - News headlines from the year 2012 - PART II

Back by popular demand: the second part of the News headlines from the year 2012!

Again, let's activate the magic and powerful crystal ball, and see what the near future holds for us (see the video)

And on we go with PART II of the predictions...July to December, 2012.

July

- July 1, Euro 2012 (soccer), Greece makes it to the final but they had to withdraw from the game because the country is so broke, they couldn't afford to provide the players with soccer shoes and uniforms.

- July 6, NBA basketball player Greg Oden (Portland Trail Blazers and former Ohio State University) wins the award for the oldest looking 24 year old man in the world. "On the bright side, I might be able to get an Applebees restaurants Senior Discount Card". His body must be as old as he looks: he hasn't been able to play a complete season yet.

Greg Oden

- July 28, London 2012 Olympic games: Dang Yun, an alleged Chinese female gymnast, is not human. Olympic Officials conducted the appropriate tests and found out that Dang Yun was a cat. "Meow!!" responded Dang Yun to her disqualification. (Just for the record, "meow" is not a Chinese word but kitty cat language).

August

- August 16, Stunner: Google buys Greece at a very low price. Spokesman for Google said: "We wanted to rename the country Google but we had some static from the European Union. Then we settled for writing Greece with the Google fonts". Google Greek headquarters will be located right in the Parthenon. The lobby shall be decorated with a giant harp, a spiral tube slide and robots from the 50's and 60's. The hallways will be full of unicycles (knowing how to ride unicycles is a prerequisite to work there), Pacman and Asteroids arcades.

- August 24, Cirque du Soleil launches a new show in Las Vegas called "Lindsay!". It's a musical and theatrical production. The storyline is the biography of Lindsay Lohan, but played by clowns. The lead character, Low Ann (a.k.a. Lindsay Lohan), is a clumsy clown that tries to survive in Hollywood but has a tendency mess everything up. The stage is a specially built circus ring at the Circus Circus Casino. Clowns of the show perform stunts like DUI's, car accidents, road rages, trying to sing without talent and escaping from rehab centers. Mickey the Goofball clown (a.k.a. Michael Lohan, Lindsay's father) steals the show.

- August 26, Women's Equality Day, George Carlin came back from the dead and makes an HBO Special including this (see the video...mostly for the bit starting 8:15):

September

- September 1, Microsoft buys Italy at a very low price. Italy was having major financial difficulties. Bill Gates declared: "Google has it's own country. We wanted ours." Rumours are that the country will be renamed to Finestre (Windows in Italian).

- September 3, Labour Day, children of the United States continue to go to school after US Congress officially cancelled Summer and blamed Barack Obama for the decision (see my article News headlines from the year 2012 - PART I, posted last January 7, 2012). "If there are any survivors to the end of the world, we are planning on cancelling Christmas. And if Barack Obama is re-elected, we'll blame him for the decision too" confirmed an anonymous US Congressman that started too laugh out loud, just like Vincent Price used to do (see the video).

- September 9, my beloved New England Patriots win their first game of the season...smells like a Super Bowl year!!!!

- September 15, NCAA Football - BCS Championship: the National Championship game will be exclusively for SEC teams. President of the BCS, Jim Norton, announced that the BCS Bowl will always have two opponents from the SEC conference. "There is no point in letting teams from the other 10 conferences and waste everybody's time. And, coincidentally, that will solve the playoffs non-sense controversy" said Norton. From 2006 to this day, the National Championship game was exclusively won by SEC schools: Florida (2006), Louisiana State University (2007), Florida (2008), Alabama (2009), Auburn (2010) and Alabama (2011).

October

- October 11, Apple, Inc. refuses to follow Google and Microsoft. "We won't buy a country. We will build our own country. It shall be called iLand", said CEO Tim Cook. However, it won't be possible to visualize iLand with Flash Player.

- October 31, Halloween night, Bill O'Reilly, host of The O'Reilly Factor, on Fox News channel, tried to disguise himself as Mickey Mouse, scared some children, forced them to take his book The O'Reilly Factor for Kids: A Survival Guide for America's Families (a real book...Google it!) instead of candy, scared them some more, screamed at them and called them socialists, communists and liberal pinheads. "Get me out of this straight jacket" O'Reilly scream as he was escorted by policemen to an undisclosed mental health facility.

Bill O'Reilly Mouse

November

- November 6, The United States presidential election of 2012: the results were so close between Mitt Romney and Barack Obama that the recount of the votes may last until the end of  times...which conveniently is next month.

- November 12, Bravo! channel announces that a new innovative reality show will air next season. The show will be called Roommates: Ex-wives and mistresses. Each ex-wife of the show will have to cohabit for a year with the mistress(es) of her husband. Sharp objects, baseball bats, gasoline and other possible weapons will be available to all the participants. Spoiler alert: one wife and a mistress become a lesbian couple.

December

- December 14, Glenn Beck declares: "I'm not worried about the end of the world. I've been preparing for this all my life. After the apocalypse, my ratings should remain just about the same. And am I glad I invested in gold, Goldline International and foodinsurance.com." (see the video)

- December 20, National Ski Areas Association (NSAA) is furious: the end of the world, scheduled to occur on the first day of winter, will be disastrous for the ski industry. "The government has to compensate us." Others, like Dick Clark's New Year's Rockin' Eve, Santa's Little Workshop and major alcoholic beverages companies have already requested government financial aid.

- December 21, D-DAY, the day the world ends...(see video)

- December 22, Walmart announces its first annual Post-End of The World Sale. Always the low price. Always. Almost a month after Black Friday, that new special shopping day shall be called Doomsday. The rules: there are only a few items for sale and people have to fight to grab them.

- December 31, Time Square, New Year's Eve: lowest attendance ever.

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THE HODGEPODGE

This week’s lucky number: The Clue. The starring number of the following video (from 0:21):

Happy and Dandy Clowns of the Week: A Pennsylvania couple. Last week, they claimed, at Maryland Lottery Headquarters, their $128.8 million dollars Powerball prize. They chose to remain anonymous (good for them!!!). It was the second-largest jackpot ever won in Maryland (USA). The record for the largest jackpot prize in that state is $183 million dollars, won in 2003.

Sad Clown of the Week: Netherlands. The country's largest wooden clog, which is 4m in length and weighing almost 2 tons, disappeared without a trace (or should I say, leaving no foot steps!!!). The alleged theft of the clog is being investigated by the Dutch police...which confirms that Netherlands is a very calm and secure country, if the police force worries about the disappearance of a wooden clog. By the way, they should investigate Shaquille O'Neal (an ex-basketball player that wears size 23 (US) shoes).

The missing clog

Clever song lyrics: "Honesty is such a lonely word." - Song: Honesty - Artist: Billy Joel

Cheesy song lyrics: "Bitch niggaz (bitch niggaz)...Bitch niggaz (bitch niggaz)...Bitch-ass niggaz (beotch)..." Song: Bitch Ass Niggaz - Artist: Dr Dre (feat. Snoop Dogg, Hitman & Six-Two) (I can appreciate the fact that Dr Dre went out of his way to make a sharp difference between Bitch, Bitch-ass and beotch. As a true artist, Dr Dre didn't want us to confuse any of the three words. And now, the world is a better place).

Philosophical Quote of the week: "We lived on farms, then we lived in cities, and now we're going to live on the Internet!" Character: Sean Parker (played by Justin Timberlake) - Movie: The Social Network

God has a sense of humour...: Tim Tebow and the Denver Broncos won their Wild Card round game against the Pittsburgh Steelers.

But God has a plan: My beloved New England Patriots will eliminate Tim Tebow and the Denver Broncos tonight (Saturday night, January 14, 2012)...just kidding...He has nothing to do with the result of a football game.



Love letters, comments, opinions and complaints: reflectionsonamoderncircus@gmail.com

News headlines from the year 2012 - PART I

Once again I will try to predict some of the news headlines in advance. This time, you will find out a little quicker if I'm right or wrong about them (as opposed to my article News headlines from the year 2061, posted last October 12, 2011).

People, I shall be right, since my crystal ball is very powerful...(see the video)

However, if by any chance I'm wrong, then you will feel right at home...as if you were watching the news on TV. As we all know, nowadays, it's more important to be the first one to report the news than to be accurate.

That said, on we go with PART I of the predictions...January to June, 2012

January

- January 8, Hugo Chavez, president of Venezuela, finally marries long time lover, Mahmoud Ahmadinejad, president of Iran (see them holding hands at 0:20 of the video)

- January 15, Chad Johnson (American football player - N.E. Patriots), who previously changed his name to Chad Ochocinco ((translation: eight five), changes his name again, this time to Chad Viejo y Lento (translation: old and slow).

- January 23, E! channel, in association with the Kardashians, launch a new reality show: "Welcome to Dumpsville, population: Kris Humphries".

- January 24, Kim Kardashian, replaces Kris Humpries with her new ex-boyfriend in the reality show "Welcome to Dumpsville".

February

- February 5, Tim Tebow and the Denver Broncos win the Super Bowl...JUST KIDDING!!!...The Green Bay Packers will beat my beloved New England Patriots.

- February 12, new "Supreme" Leader of North Korea, Kim Jong-un declares "I am not fat, pudgy or chunky. As a matter of fact, I'm slender and sexy". The same day, the people of North Korea unanimously wore a "Slim and sexy Kim" t-shirt. However, a man was executed for wearing a t-shirt with the face Kim Jong-un on a body of Miss Piggy, while chanting "Hefty, chubby, tubby, baby, thicky, pudgy, chunky, baby" to the melody of the North Korean National Anthem. The man was known for his suicidal tendencies...

- February 19, I'm still in shock and denial that my beloved New England Patriots lost again the Super Bowl, as they did back in February, 2008, against New "Yuck" Midgets (a.k.a. Giants).

- February 20, Blackberry offers its customers a 50% reduction of their last monthly invoice for all the technical problems they suffered over the course of the last year. Nonetheless, 100% of the customers didn't get the offer because their Blackberry phone was malfunctioning.

March

- March 7, Barack Obama snaps and declares "It is time that I fight my enemies. I announce that I will fight my first enemy, Newt Gingrich, on November 5, 2012, as part of a UFC event. Newt, I'm tired of your bullshit. I will get medieval on your ass. Bring your ass to D.C. on November the 5th and we'll settle this no-holds-barred style." Here's the rest of the fight card:

• Keith Olbermann vs. Bill O'Reilly
• Jon Stewart vs. "Bow tie" Tucker Carlson
• Hillary Clinton vs. Sarah "we've got to stand with our North Korean allies" Palin
• Jennifer Ansiton vs. Angelina Jolie (finally!!!)
• Donald "birds live in my hair" Trump vs. Rosie O'Donnell

- March 26, George Clooney, single again, sadly says "I have no choice but to resort to opening an account on eHarmony.com. I need to fill the void left by the death of Max, my pet pig. More than ever, I need a Miss Piggy."

April

- April 1, April Fool's day, Bill O'Reilly, host of The O'Reilly Factor, on Fox News channel, makes the biggest prank in media history by reporting news based on actual facts (as opposed to propaganda or fear) on his show. An anonymous fan of the show said "I found the show so boring, I switched to CNN. Bill really got me. I'm glad it was only a practical joke."

- April 5, Paris Hilton announces two new products her collection: The Offical Gold Plated PH Back Stratcher and The Official PH Tampon, with Gold Plated and Diamond Encrusted Applicator.

- April 12, I feel anger because my beloved New England Patriots lost again the Super Bowl and I violently tackle a 75 years old woman that wears New "Yuck" Midgets (a.k.a. Giants) baseball cap and a Green Bay Packers t-shirt.

- April 13, I try to bargain my way out of jail with NYPD policemen.

May

- May 5, to celebrate Cinco de Mayo, Arizona police catapults illegal aliens from Mexico...back to Mexico. Arizona Governor Jan Brewer wished them Buen viaje as the illegal aliens were catapulted, with their furniture and personal belongings, over the Mexican-American border. "We just wanted to provide Mexicans with the opportunity to celebrate Cinco de Mayo in their country of origin, transportation free of charge. It's our way of saying we care", said Brewer.

- May 12, CNN's Anderson Cooper's shocking revelation: "I die my hair white. Otherwise, I would look like a schoolboy and have know credibility."

- May 27, Glenn Beck, 9 months after "leaving" Fox News, on his transition from television shows to subscription-based Internet TV network: "When it comes to ratings, I'd rather go for quality than quantity. Yes, I lost 90% of my audience, but I kept the cream of the crop. And I don't have to wear a suit anymore. A straight jacket will do." (flashback of Beck leaving Fox News...see the video)

June

- June 12, president of Family Radio, Harold Camping, the man who predicted the end of the world for May 21, 2011, declares "I know I was wrong for the May 21, 2011, end of the world. But you have to believe me this time. On December 21, 2012, the world will end. Approximately 3% of the world's population will be called to Heaven. The "Chosen Ones" shall be: any man named JIMMY, any woman named FLORETTE or PETRA, all Denver Broncos fans (including Tim Tebow), all people born on February 29, Brad Pitt (but not Angelina Jolie), people with twelve tows an/or twelve fingers, people that had tattoos made before 1991, Richard Simmons, Dalai Lama, Snookie, the dog in the Taco Bell commercials and me".

- June 13, Chad Johnson (a.k.a. Chad Ochocinco, a.k.a. Chad Viejo y Lento) (American football player N.E. Patriots), changes again his name, this time to JIMMY FLORETTE PETRA Viejo y Lento.

- June 21, US Congress officially cancels Summer and blames Barack Obama for the decision. Children will have to go to school until Labour Day and artificial snow will be spread all across the United States.

- June 27, I finally accept the fate of my beloved New England Patriots...as I watch that funny and cute squirrel water skiing. (see the video)

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THE HODGEPODGE

This week’s lucky number: The Clue. Today's date.

Happy and Dandy Clown of the Week: Elin Nordegren. The former wife of Tiger Woods has demolished the $12.3 million oceanfront mansion she purchased just last year. She's spending Tiger divorce money...good for her!!! I guess it's the Swedish way to say to Tiger "You messed with the wrong bitch!"

Sad Clown of the Week: A North Carolina (million dollar) man. A Walmart refused the money he handed out to pay for a vacuum cleaner, a microwave oven and other stuff. Why the money was refused? The man was trying to pay with a 1 million dollar bill (the $100 bill is the highest bill printed in the USA). He even insisted that the bill was real!!! A Walmart refusing "well earned" money? What's this world coming to?

Clever song lyrics: "Living is easy with eyes closed, misunderstanding all you see." - Song: Strawberry Fields Forever - Artist: The Beatles.

Cheesy song lyrics: "And I wear my sunglasses at night. So I can, so I can. Forget my name while you collect your claim." Song: Sunglasses At Night - Artist: Corey Hart (Ok...Mr Hart, your transportation (an ambulance for the psychiatric hospital) is on its way).

Philosophical Quote of the week #1: "I'm Gunnery Sergeant Hartman, your senior drill instructor. From now on you will speak only when spoken to, and the first and the last word out of your filthy sewers will be "Sir". Do you maggots understand that?" Character: Gunnery Sergeant Hartman (played by R. Lee Ermey) - Movie: Full Metal Jacket

Philosophical Quote of the week #2: Women are made to be loved, not understood - Oscar Wilde




Love letters, comments, opinions and complaints: reflectionsonamoderncircus@gmail.com

Hypocrisy: the new glitter - A story about a stairway to hell

I'm as spiritual as they come. I try to live my life in a spiritual way, even if I'm not attached to any religion whatsoever (although I was baptised as a Catholic). That said, I respect people's faith. But I can't tolerate violence, abuse, hypocrisy or stupidity. Maybe I should be a little more tolerant. But I'm not. It leaves a very long way to go before perfection...a very very long way indeed.

Keeping that in mind, Pope Benedict XVI, during his Christmas Eve Mass, asked people to "see through the superficial glitter" of the season, and concentrate instead on the joy of the Christmas message.

When he mentioned glitter, did he mean this kind of glitter? (see the video):

Or how about the glitter of that conference room? (see the picture):

Or maybe he's referring to that kind of glitter (see the following pictures):

I didn't know gold was the true channel to God. To be frank, I thought that it was the total opposite. If you compare the Vatican with the way people portray Jesus according to the Bible, let's just say that the amount of "glitter" was quite different for both of them. I'd like to ask the Pope "Why so much gold and glitter? Aren't you afraid to get caught in all of this?. What about the wealth distribution? What about all the sharing you preach all the time? Why don't you sell a gold cross and give the money to a starving African village? Isn't that what you tell us to do?"

The thing is, it's easier to criticize others and to tell them what to do with their life. So the Pope may do whatever he wants. He may preach what he doesn't practice himself. He may speak in the name of God (lots of psychiatric patients do too...free speech!!). But sometimes he ought to shut the hell up (no pun intended)...just out of respect for all the Catholics that live in a spiritual way. If a little glitter makes them happy, so be it. People are intelligent enough to see that glitter is not a way of living (see the Vatican). They don't need a hypocrite pope to tell them what to do. Why does the Catholic Church always have to use culpability? Why does it always have to make people guilty and ashamed? The answer is obvious: to control people.

Fear and culpability...starting to sound like politics...

The more you feel guilty, the more you go to Church to make a confession. Then they try to make you believe that they have the power to forgive your sins (in the name of God, of course). And, forgiveness comes quite easier when you drop a few bucks in the basket (see the video):

I know it's raw. I know people might be offended by the George Carlin routine (message to them: grow up and/or grow a pair!!!). Most of it was created to shock. But a lot of what he says is true. Nevertheless, every time people are mad at God, I believe people are mad at Man's image of God. You know, the guy with a beard that will "strike upon thee". The Vengeful God. Well, something tells me that this Vengeful God was created by Man...in his own image. But that's just my opinion.

I think God or any Superior Being is far too complicated for a simple Man to understand. Religion was created by Man to tell other men his vision of God. Sometimes Man has a tendency to force its opinion upon others...to control them (can you hear politics again?).

By the way, I think the Pope already has a lot on his plate. He should take care of his own mess before telling anyone how to live his or her life. How about sexual abuse by Catholic priests (including child abuse). An exception? I don't think so. There were notable cases of sexual abuse by members of the Catholic Church, during the last 50-60 years, reported in countries like Argentina, Austria, Belgium, Brazil, Canada, Chile, Croatia, France, Germany, Great Britain, Ireland, Italy, Malta, Kenya, Mexico, Netherlands, New Zealand, Norway, Peru, Philippines, Poland, Slovenia, Sweden, Tanzania and the last, but not least, the United States of America. And, interesting fact, cases were reported in almost all of the said countries during the 2005-2011 period.

You want to talk about glitter? The Church spent hundreds of millions of dollars either defending itself in those cases and/or settling them. I bet if you transformed that sum of money into gold coins, you could see it glittering from the moon.

Pope Benedict XVI also called for an end to the bloodshed in Syria and the resumption of peace talks between Israel and the Palestinians in his Christmas message. Ok. And why not the end of hunger throughout the world? (just a bunch of blah! blah! blah! of no consequence). But why doesn't he ask his priests to quit the abuse and seek psychiatric help?

My message to Pope Benedict XVI, for the Holidays:  "See through your own superficial glitter, and concentrate instead on practicing what you preach." Clean your own house before telling people how to clean theirs. In other words, mind your own goddamn business.

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Again, I wish you and your loved ones a Happy New Year. I Wish you all Peace, Love, Health, Happiness and Prosperity

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THE HODGEPODGE

This week’s lucky number: The Clue. The date next Saturday will be January ___, 2012.

Happy and Dandy Clown of the Week: Drew Brees. The New Orleans quarterback (NFL American football) broke Dan Marino's passing yardage record for a single season with 5,087 yards passing....and still one game to play. That record was 27 years old. Sometimes nice guys finish first.

Sad Clown of the Week: People living in the Middle East. Can't believe people made comparisons with the Occupy Wall Street movement. Not in the same ball park. Not even the same sport. 2012 will be challenging for the people (not their respective governments) from countries like Syria, Egypt, Iraq, Yemen, Iran, Libya, etc. You are all in my prayers. May you finally get the country you wish for (and not the country USA wishes for you).

Clever song lyrics: "Maybe it's not too late to learn how to love and forget how to hate." - Song: Crazy - Artist: Ozzy Osbourne (...yeah! I know! He had his moments too!).

Cheesy song lyrics: "I don’t care who you are, where you’re from, what you did, as long as you love me." Song: As Long As You Love Me - Artist: Backstreet Boys (Ok. That sounds so nice and romantic on paper...but let's test how serious you really are about that bullshit statement...Would you sing the same lyrics if the girl from the song was a crack whore with a history of violence that offered her services for $10 and that spent most of her life in prison for fraud, extortion and human organ traffic? Just don't fall asleep on her watch, buddy...).

Philosophical Quote of the week: "You want a prediction about the weather, you're asking the wrong Phil. I'll give you a winter prediction: It's gonna be cold, it's gonna be grey, and it's gonna last you for the rest of your life." Character: Phil (wonderfully played by Bill Murray) - Movie: Groundhog Day

I told you so (last week and the week before): Tim Tebow and the Broncos lost two games in a row. It proves, again, my theory: God doesn't give a rat's ass about football. It's only men playing a game (for big bucks).



Love letters, comments, opinions and complaints: reflectionsonamoderncircus@gmail.com

If you build it, they will come: looking back on 2011

"If you build it, he will come." - Shoeless Joe Jackson (played by Ray Liotta), Field of Dreams

Replace the "he" with "they". Well, I listened to the voice...and I built it.

I started to write this blog in August, 2011. I think I always wanted to write. I always had this urge to tell stories, whether they were written or verbal. However, the paths I have chosen in life led me to a day job that involves a lot of writing but very little story telling. I needed to do more.

Then, circumstances and people pointed at blogs. I was never attracted to them...but little I knew. This blog is everything I always felt like writing: making people think, making them smile and laugh (or at least, trying to), detecting political bullshit and, giving some sort of happy ending, even when it looks impossible.

At younger age, I was a radio host for a College radio. One thing that completely changed the way I approach life was "the weekly deadline", the sense of urgency to have the show ready on time. Well, I feel the same about this blog. And it's a nice source of motivation.

I built it...and they came. You came. And I thank you so much for that. But you came from where? Not much from my surroundings. You came from all around the world. To me, that is very impressive.

But you are coming from places I didn't even know existed: Isle of Man (between Ireland and England), Brunei (near Malaysia) and Guernsey (an island between England and France).

Another surprising fact: many of this blog's readers are from India and Russia. I don't know what to make of that. But I'm happy. Glod bless you all.

But enough about me. Besides the creation of this blog, what happenend in 2011? What have we learned?

Well, for starters, New York has opened, like many major cities, its first camping site. It's called Zuccotti Park. Food is available on site...but you gotta love it spicy (see pepper spray). And remember to bring your own porta potty.

Politics caught up with sports and got its own version of Tiger Woods: Anthony Weiner. However, Tiger never got out of the woods (no pun intended)...Weiner had to keep his wiener (ok...pun intended!!) in the packet.

A fruit painfully mourned its maker: Apple, Inc.

Like every year, we lose many loved ones. Some of them are famous. As for the others, their death made a little less of a splash. Let's remember the semi-splashes that had a special place in our hearts.

2011 will be remembered as the year Columbo died (see video):

2011 will also be remembered as the year Mr. Al Davis died (owner of the Oakland Raiders, NFL football). Controversial man. Leader of the Dark Side. The guy you love to hate. We'll miss you...just for not hearing you say "Just win, baby!!!" (see video):

And Macho Man Savage (see video):

And Actor (Police Academy) and American Football Star Bubba Smith (see video):

And an outrageous number of soldiers in Afghanistan and Iraq...in a pointless dragging war. God bless them all.

In the real estate department, God went for a bigger home...he moved from a Church to a Stadium (helping Tim Tebow and the Denver Broncos accomplishing miracles).

Black Friday is officially changing its name to: No Holds Barred - Kill of be killed - Bite, scratch, kick, dismember...and pepper spray.

Republicans told us all year how bad Barack Obama was as a President (and they did everything in their power to make him look bad every way they could) and are offering, as the alternative, a bunch of rich clowns (Dumb, Dumber, Dumbette, Dumbest and Dumbo...guess who Dumbo is!!), which are a gift to us bloggers but a nightmare for a country desperately in need of strong leadership. Ron Paul is probably the only serious and intelligent candidate...but is completely ignored (and considered crazy too).

A citizen of Zanesville, Ohio, opened a Safari Amusement Park in his city. The only problem was that it was out in the open and he didn't tell a soul before the grand opening. But it was a real success: 49 exotic animals were killed on the first day.

I still have no clue who is Snookie...except that she's loud, bitter, chunky and utterly insignificant. (and why should I care?). Which brings me to...

Kim Kardashian...*sight* (sticking a finger down my throat)...here's the second part of my reaction (see video):

The Kardashians are rumored to endorse fashion products manufactured in foreign sweatshops, where workers, some as young as 16 years old, are abused and virtually imprisoned. I have an idea. Maybe they should team up with Newt Gingrich in 2012 for a new Children Labour Program. Gingrich suggested that poor kids should work as janitors in schools. No kidding, the guy is suggesting it with a straight face!

Hey! Ain't nothing but a Circus. And that's why I enjoyed 2011. We are stuck with the clowns...might as well get a few laughs out of the situation.

2012 should be a hell of a ride too...with a great bang near the end of the year...and it won't be the Ball Drop in Central Park...but the end of the World on December 12.

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I would like to take this opportunity to wish you and your loved ones a Happy New Year. I Wish you all Peace, Love, Health, Happiness and Prosperity

I will post articles on December 31 (no rest for the wicked)...so stay tuned!!! It should be something special to start the New Year.

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THE HODGEPODGE

This week’s lucky number: The Clue. "Fall ______ times, stand up eight." - Japanese Proverb

Happy and Dandy Clown of the Week: Santa Claus. iTunes cards and apps make his bag lighter than in the past.

Sad Clown of the Week: Mrs Claus. She is not getting "any" while Santa Claus is too busy distributing gifts to all the children of the world.

Clever song lyrics: "Silent Night. Holy Night." - Song: Silent Night - Artist: Mahalia Jackson (Simply the best)

Cheesy song lyrics: "Ding dong, ding dong. Ding dong, ding dong." Song: Wonderful Christmas Time - Artist: Paul McCartney (That song is so annoying, it makes me feel like stabbing my eyes with plastic forks. Paul should have used a pseudo name for that one. John must be grinning in his grave every time that song plays).

Philosophical Quote of the week: (To go with your turkey dinner) "A census taker once tried to test me. I ate his liver with some fava beans and a nice Chianti." Character: Dr. Hannibal Lecter(wonderfully played by Sir Anthony Hopkins) - Movie: Silence of the Lambs

Floyd Mayweather Jr. (boxer) sentenced to 90 days in jail after pleading guilty: Anything...just anything to avoid a fight with Manny Pacquiao. I spy a coward!!!

I told you so (last week): My beloved Patriots beat Tim Tebow and the Broncos. But most of all, it proves my theory: God doesn't give a rat's ass about football. It's only men playing a game (for big bucks).

 

Love letters, comments, opinions and complaints: reflectionsonamoderncircus@gmail.com

News headlines from the year 2061

I pride myself on not trying to be the first one to emit an opinion on a subject the moment a story comes out. I think it's the main problem with today's media: it's more important to be the first one to report the news than to be accurate. You report...then you correct it...but only if you really have to (for example, because an injunction was granted against you by the Court).

It's very unfortunate because being right was traded for being quick...The "winner", as if it was a race. And because perception is reality, inaccurate news could be perceived as the truth: "Ma! Mus' be true...they said it on the Teeee Veeeee." (with your best southern accent). In other words, the news, and the media itself, could become effective tools of propaganda when controlled by the got-an-agenda crowd (see Fox News).

I always try to do the contrary with this blog, which is to take the time to get all of the facts straight and then, take a step back to figure out all of the angles. Reflect before writing instead of writing and then makes excuses or use spin.

But humans have a tendency to contradict themselves, and I'm no exception. But I will try do it with creativity. Instead of reporting news too quickly, I will simply anticipate the news. And since my crystal ball is very powerful...

I chose to simply give random real news headlines from the year 2061...

"I've seen the future, and it is much like the present, only longer."
- Dan Quisenberry, former Kansas City Royals pitcher


News headlines from the year 2061

"Occupy Wall Street: to commemorate its 50th anniversary, a judge permits the construction of a condo tower at the Zuccotti Park encampment to accommodate the members of the OWS movement."

"The new iPhone 37 allows to download songs directly into the brain."

"Man dies of a brain hemorrhage after he accidentally downloaded the song "Da da da" (by Trio) directly in his brain, with his new iPhone 37. The defective phone repeated the song 2500 times. Then the brain gave in."

"English language falls to third place among the official languages in the USA, after Spanish and Arabic."

"Cricket finally becomes a popular sport in the USA after tweaking its rules: all players must be sprayed with gasoline and the ball is put on fire."

"Keith Richards is back from the dead. Crawling out of his grave, he declared to the press: "Maybe as a human being I looked like rubbish, mate, but as a zombie, I look great! Marvelous!"

Keith Richards

"The inventor of the teletransporter (or teleporter) was convicted murder in the first degree for using his wife as a guinea pig, while testing the apparel, and sending her straight to the sun."

"Brett Favre wants to come full circle: plans a comeback at 92 years old with the Green Bay Packers. “I wanna win a second Super Bowl before I die", he declared after losing his denture."

"A new Beatles song was found on a cassette hidden in Yoko Ono’s cellar. It was written by John while singing in the shower. The song is call "Rub-a-dub my love". Sean Ono said: "We didn’t have anything to play the cassette."

"The latest Friday the 13th, Part 27, hits the theatres this Friday. In Part 27, Jason finally gets into a long awaited combat with Darth Vader." (Rated S for stupid)

"Apple, Inc. buys the patent for the teletransporter: its inventor becomes the richest life sentenced inmate in history."

"Vermont finally declares its independence from the USA."

"Walmart now sells breast implants. All their "associates" are said to be qualified to install them."

"The Chicago Cubs lose the 7th game of the World Series. The Cubs have not won a championship in more than 153 years."

"Scientists finally find the preventive cure to cancer: don't eat processed food, exercise, don't smoke, don't drink too much, don't eat too much, have a healthy love and sexual life and...laugh a little."

"Teletransporter inventor escapes from prison by recreating its invention in his cell."

"Woman kills 20 shoppers with a light sabre in a local store during Black Friday."

"NCAA Football is starting to think about replacing the BCS with playoffs."

"Walmart recalls all breast implants sold for incompatibility with the iPhone 37: the breasts implants dance uncontrollably to songs playing on the iPhone."

"Reflections on a Modern Circus, universally known blog (yeah! right!), including Jupiter and Saturn colonists, celebrates its 50th anniversary. Its founder, Michael Bigras, was at the hospital during the celebrations after fracturing his hip while typing his last blog article. "

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THE HODGEPODGE

This week’s lucky number:  The Clue. A convenience store: _______ Eleven.

Happy and Dandy Clown of the Week: The planet discovered by NASA. NASA has discovered a planet that seems to have similar conditions to the earth: a temperature of 22°C (72°F) and also has water. Good thing for the planet: our earth is 600 light years away from it...so we can't visit it and mess it up (with good intentions of "helping", of course).

Sad Clown of the Week: Me. Herman Cain has put an end to his campaign! With Rick Perry's campaign going down the drain, I am losing two easy sources of inspiration for comedy and satire. But hey! On the bright side, they both have no chance of becoming the President of the USA in 2012.

Clever song lyrics: "Poets, priests and politicians. Have words to thank for their positions. Words that scream for your submission." - Song: De do do do, de da da da - Artist: The Police

Cheesy song lyrics: "Like gasoline you wanna pump me. And leave me when you get your fill, yeah." Song: Unskinny Bop - Artist: Poison

Philosophical Quote of the week: "You know when you hear girls say "Ah man, I was so shit-faced last night, I shouldn't have fucked that guy?" We could be that mistake!" Character: Seth (wonderfully played by Jonah Hill) - Movie: Superbad

Good slogan for Newt Gingrich’s campaign: “Occupy my ass!” (And there would be plenty of space to do so).


Love letters, comments, opinions and complaints: reflectionsonamoderncircus@gmail.com

The ends don't justify being mean

What is the common denominator among the following persons or fictional characters? Darth Vader, J.R. Ewing (Dallas), Adolf Hitler, Bill O'Reilly, Hannibal Lecter (Silence of the Lambs), Ted Bundy (serial killer), HAL 9000 (2001: A Space Odyssey), Zombies (they're everywhere!!), Roddy Piper (wrestling), Attila The Hun, A-Rod (a.k.a. Alex Rodriguez, baseball player), Josef Stalin, Sideshow Bob (The Simpsons), Doctor Evil (Austin Powers), Mr. (Montgomery) Burns (The Simpsons), The Shark (Jaws), Sean Avery (hockey), terrorists, The Tasmanian Devil, The I.R.S. and last but not least, politicians.

The common denominator? You got it! They are all villains.

But why are they villains? Most of them want to dominate the world (Darth Vader, J.R. Ewing, Hitler, Stalin, Doctor Evil, Sideshow Bob, Mr. Burns, politicians, etc.).

Some of them are just very hungry (The Shark, The Tasmanian Devil, Zombies, The I.R.S., A-Rod, etc.).

Some of them are just evil (Ted Bundy, terrorists, Sean Avery, Bill O'Reilly, etc.).

But there is a new brand of evil people that just made its apparition in the USA: people shopping on Black Friday.

Last Black Friday, a woman entered a crowded Walmart, near Los Angeles, looking for some electronic apparel. She must have been inconvenienced by the overcrowded store and the waiting lines. And who would blame her? Where we differ is how we would react to the same situation. I, for one, would have chosen to leave (But that's only hypothetical...'cause I never go to those crazy events). Yes, I love to take advantage of rebates like the next guy. But I wouldn't waste a day off from work for a buck or two of discount. While I would be leaving, she, the Walmart woman, would be ready to do anything to get the item she wants. A real winner. She's not a quitter like me...noooooo! In other words, she would have found a roster spot with the Oakland Raiders of the 70's. Like the late Al Davis used to say "Just win, baby", and "If you don't cheat, you don't try".

To gain an upper hand, she used pepper spray on other customers. Just imagine the scene: you are walking in a shopping mall or a store, and suddenly a woman rushes towards you, armed with a can of pepper spray, starts to shoot some pepper spray straight at your eyes. Your eyes burn like fire even before you've figured out what's going on.

20 people suffered minor injuries. Nevertheless, Black Friday found a new meaning...MEANing...

They are still looking for the woman. I bet she's not even worried. Al Davis would be proud of her: she did what she had to do, what it takes.

You just can't create crazy stories like that one.

Good news: the store remained open (Thank God!!!) and those not affected by the pepper spray continued shopping (as they should!!!).

But pepper spray is soooooo passé. Here's my suggestion on how to grab the pole position on Black Friday next year. First you seal (with a plastic bag, perhaps) the item you want to buy on Black Friday (preferably, on the eve of D-Day). You tie the sealed item to a brick (or some sort of heavy rock). The morning of Black Friday, instead of running to get an item, you completely flood the store with water. You fill the store until the water level reaches 4 feet from the sealing. Most of the customs would need to swim to the surface to, you know, breathe (duh!). People not being able to swim would die (there are no wars without casualties!!!). Every item in the store would be ruined, except for your sealed item. Then you enter the store with your deep-sea diving suit, slowly walking towards the ultimate prize: your sealed item. No violence. No danger of being last. And finally, if you are extremely honest, you leave the money at the cash register (which would be likely to move, because of the water).

By the way, for those with no sense of humor, I was kidding. I was being sarcastic!!

I'd like to tell you that the woman pepper spraying was the only incident...(see the video).

In the next video, you would expect that people were fighting to get into a rock concert or a Lady Gaga show...(see the video).

Black Friday...at midnight!!! People were waiting to get into an H&M store (clothes) to do what? Yep! You've guessed it: buy more stuff!! (Most of which will end up in boxes in your garage...that will ultimately prevent you from parking you car in it!! In other words, useless stuff will make you shovel snow...and/or park in the rain!!).

So is that the new trend? Physically injuring people to buy stuff. They don't even want to steal the goddamn item. They just want to buy the thing, with a rebate, and they have no time for buying it like a normal person would.

Animals. Maybe educated...but still, animals.

So what's next? (see the video)

Stomping, trampling and crushing people to buy stuff. After all, isn't that what Thanks Giving is all about? Isn't it part of a balanced life? Can't you hear them scream in stores everywhere "It's either you or me, buddy!".

As a pretty cool dude would say, "Do onto others as you would like done onto you". I don't want to rain on your parade, but I think we are constantly moving away from it. Is that where I should say "Love your enemies"???

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THE HODGEPODGE

This week’s lucky number:  The clue: the number of deadly sins.

Happy and Dandy Clown of the Week: Again, Barack Obama. He's witnessing, with a smirk on his face, that the front running 2012 Republican Presidential Candidate is Newt Gingrich, whose campaign went completely down the drain last summer. The only strategy is to simply wait until he derails again.

Sad Clown of the Week: Jim Boeheim, head coach of the Syracuse University Basketball team. He earns the title for lashing out at the alleged victims of sexual molestation, by former assistant coach Bernie Fine, calling them liars and saying that they were only seeking money. Since then, Fine was fired and Boeheim apologized for his rude comments.

Clever song lyrics: "Over thinking, over analyzing separates the body from the mind." - Song: Lateralus - Artist: Tool

Cheesy song lyrics: "Together we’re one. Separated, we are two." Song: Girl You Know it’s True - Artist: Milli Vanilli (Bad at songwriting...but hey, you gotta give it to them...they're good at math!)

Philosophical Quote of the week: "Oh man, I shot Marvin in the face." Character: Vincent Vega (wonderfully played by John Travolta) - Movie: Pulp Fiction

New saying involving the word "dead": “Dead as Herman Cain's campaign.”



Love letters, comments, opinions and complaints: reflectionsonamoderncircus@gmail.com

The story of an autumn Leaf that fell and went back to its branch

As your are reading this article, we are right in the middle of autumn here in Canada and the northern part of the United States of America. It's such a beautiful season, even if it's a little chilly. The scenery is spectacular as the season changes green leaves to beautiful shades of red and yellow. The downside is that the leaves eventually all fall and most of the trees become completely naked, which is ironic because freezing winter is coming...

Allow me to tell you the story of a Leaf that not only fell to the ground during autumn, but also fell into a hole that looked like a bottomless pit.

This is the story of a man. His name is Ryan Leaf. Although he was a professional American Football player, this is the story, in a nutshell, of a man and his mistakes. You don't need to know anything about American Football. It's a story about great expectations and greater deceptions. In other words, this could very well be the story of you or me. I never thought that one day I would tell his story, in a positive way. He was always perceived as an individual that did just about everything to be disliked by everyone. Here's another auto-destructive person with loads of talent.

He was what we call a stud. He was both a high school and college American football superstar. He probably got all the girls he wanted. He was the toast of the town. He was The Man as in "You tha man!".

To make a long story short, at the 1998 NFL Draft, the first choice over all was between him and Peyton Manning. The Indianapolis Colts had the first choice and they opted for Manning. The Chargers chose Leaf with the second over all pick. Deceiving? Maybe just a little bit...But Leaf got a four years contract worth more than 30 million dollars, one third of it as guaranteed money (a signing bonus).

Leaf was rich. He became a little cocky. Before playing one game, before even winning one game, he told the press bluntly: "I'm looking forward to a 15-year career, a couple of trips to the Super Bowl and a parade through downtown San Diego".

A couple of trips to the Super Bowl? A parade? Was I the only one that had a strong feeling that it was about to get ugly for our little champion? Although he already had issues with his team about his attitude, he played well during pre-season. Heck, he even won his first two regular season games.

That's when the wheels came off...

He started to throw more interceptions than touchdowns (for those who don't know much about American football, an interception is basically throwing the ball to a member of the opposing team...which is not good at all!). Funny thing, he also started to slip on imaginary banana peels. He would trip and fall on his butt without being push or tackled by an opposing player. Basically, he was inventing new ways to screw up. He was finding new ways to lose games.

Teammates were beginning to lose confidence. Sports reporters were murmuring words like bust. Pundits were saying Payton Manning was the real deal. Was Leaf spending too many nights partying in Vegas?

The pressure on the young man seamed, at the time, to be unbearable. The bubble was about to burst. That's where we got to know the dark side of Ryan, as you can get a taste it in this video:

Ryan was carrying such a load. Any stupid question from the media was interpreted as an insult. He was young, immature and throwing tantrums at will.

His worst fault? Being rich at such a young age (and being so immature). It gave him the illusion that he was entitled to something. Fans didn't see it that way. It was more the other way around: Ryan Leaf owed them something...for all the money he got.

But his problems didn't end with that. They were only beginning. He got a serious shoulder injury. Then he got into an argument with the Chargers General Manager, his boss. He was suspended and fined. Back from injury, his performances were terrible and he was released by the Chargers. For all the money he was paid, Ryan gave them only four wins in three years. It was a disaster.

After his release, he leaped from team to team. The downward spiral only continued until he hit rock bottom and decided to call it quits.

He then found a "job", as a volunteer, as a quarterbacks coach with West Texas A&M University, a small Division II college. He found a way to mess that up too. Addicted to pain killers, he tried to get some of those pills from the university football players. He was forced to resign (as a volunteer!!).

As if it wasn't enough, he got deeper in his mess (see the video):

Spearing you the legal details, after pleading guilty, he got 10 years of probation and a fine. All of the sudden, he became a joke, a running gag (see video for an example):

Happy ending? You betcha!!! He got into drug rehab which seems to have worked out for him. He understood that Ryan Leaf didn't mean much in Canada, so he moved to Vancouver. Great place for a new start. He got a normal job, and occasionally works for sports radio. And despite being on the right track, last June, he had surgery to remove a benign tumor from his brain stem (It simply never ends for Ryan...).

Now, he enjoys not to be the superstar stud anymore. He also got a book deal for a three books to be written about his football career and personal life, the first of which was released at the beginning of November 2011. He's now in the business of helping others anonymously...how about that for a transformation?

"How many roads must a man walk down, before you call him a man?"
- Song: Blowing in the wind - Artist: Bob Dylan

In Leaf's case, I can't tell you if Leaf became a man. But one thing is for sure, figuratively speaking, he must have travelled 3/4 of the roads on Google Maps. And for him to show, humbly, signs of change, is remarkable and almost miraculous. Let's just say that almost everyone threw away the towel with regards to Leaf. This story reminds us that we are alone in this life and that it all starts by loving what and who you are.

But you know what? When you really think about it, this story is not about Ryan Leaf. In truth, this story is a tribute to second chance, even if sometimes it seems unlikely. At one point or another in our lives, we all need a second chance.

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THE HODGEPODGE

This week’s lucky number: The clue...You go on a trip to Canada, more precisely in the province of Quebec. You stop at a convenience store. You buy two soft drinks ($2.50 x 2) and six packs of jawbreakers ($0.19 x 6). The answer is the total amount it will cost you. (Bonus clue...don't forget to add the two sales taxes that sum up to 14%).

Clever song lyrics: "We can't afford to be neutral on a moving train." - Song: Deer Dance - Artist: System of a Down

Cheesy song lyrics: "My only addiction has to do with the female species. I eat 'em raw like sushi" - Song: Rico Suave - Artist: Gerardo (Question: you eat them with chopsticks, soya sauce and wasabi?? Dude!!!???)

Sad (and shameful) Clown of the Week:  Joe Paterno. He was a "God" at Penn State. He was a "God" in Happy Valley, PA. There is NO WAY he didn't know about Jerry Sandusky "horseplaying" in the showers. Shame on you. Power corrupts. Absolute power corrupts absolutely, Joe.

Happy and Dandy Clown of the Week: Barack Obama. Giggling, as he watches the The Republican Party Presidential Primaries.

Great idea for a movie sequel: In the first movie, a teenage girl, who moved to Washington State, found her life radically changed when she fell in love with what she thought was a vampire. In the sequel, she finds out that the boyfriend is not a vampire but only a pale skin dude, with a bad case of psoriasis and genital herpes, that could not pull off fake fangs from a previous Halloween costume.

Something a Martian might say if he came to visit earth: Hey! Dude! The Republican Party Presidential Primaries is a spin-off of Saturday Night Live, right? It makes fun of politicians on how stupid they can be, right? That Rick “oops” Perry character is hilarious.

Good song for Rick Perry’s campaign: “Oops! I did it again.”



Love letters, comments, opinions and complaints: reflectionsonamoderncircus@gmail.com