If you build it, they will come: looking back on 2011

"If you build it, he will come." - Shoeless Joe Jackson (played by Ray Liotta), Field of Dreams

Replace the "he" with "they". Well, I listened to the voice...and I built it.

I started to write this blog in August, 2011. I think I always wanted to write. I always had this urge to tell stories, whether they were written or verbal. However, the paths I have chosen in life led me to a day job that involves a lot of writing but very little story telling. I needed to do more.

Then, circumstances and people pointed at blogs. I was never attracted to them...but little I knew. This blog is everything I always felt like writing: making people think, making them smile and laugh (or at least, trying to), detecting political bullshit and, giving some sort of happy ending, even when it looks impossible.

At younger age, I was a radio host for a College radio. One thing that completely changed the way I approach life was "the weekly deadline", the sense of urgency to have the show ready on time. Well, I feel the same about this blog. And it's a nice source of motivation.

I built it...and they came. You came. And I thank you so much for that. But you came from where? Not much from my surroundings. You came from all around the world. To me, that is very impressive.

But you are coming from places I didn't even know existed: Isle of Man (between Ireland and England), Brunei (near Malaysia) and Guernsey (an island between England and France).

Another surprising fact: many of this blog's readers are from India and Russia. I don't know what to make of that. But I'm happy. Glod bless you all.

But enough about me. Besides the creation of this blog, what happenend in 2011? What have we learned?

Well, for starters, New York has opened, like many major cities, its first camping site. It's called Zuccotti Park. Food is available on site...but you gotta love it spicy (see pepper spray). And remember to bring your own porta potty.

Politics caught up with sports and got its own version of Tiger Woods: Anthony Weiner. However, Tiger never got out of the woods (no pun intended)...Weiner had to keep his wiener (ok...pun intended!!) in the packet.

A fruit painfully mourned its maker: Apple, Inc.

Like every year, we lose many loved ones. Some of them are famous. As for the others, their death made a little less of a splash. Let's remember the semi-splashes that had a special place in our hearts.

2011 will be remembered as the year Columbo died (see video):

2011 will also be remembered as the year Mr. Al Davis died (owner of the Oakland Raiders, NFL football). Controversial man. Leader of the Dark Side. The guy you love to hate. We'll miss you...just for not hearing you say "Just win, baby!!!" (see video):

And Macho Man Savage (see video):

And Actor (Police Academy) and American Football Star Bubba Smith (see video):

And an outrageous number of soldiers in Afghanistan and Iraq...in a pointless dragging war. God bless them all.

In the real estate department, God went for a bigger home...he moved from a Church to a Stadium (helping Tim Tebow and the Denver Broncos accomplishing miracles).

Black Friday is officially changing its name to: No Holds Barred - Kill of be killed - Bite, scratch, kick, dismember...and pepper spray.

Republicans told us all year how bad Barack Obama was as a President (and they did everything in their power to make him look bad every way they could) and are offering, as the alternative, a bunch of rich clowns (Dumb, Dumber, Dumbette, Dumbest and Dumbo...guess who Dumbo is!!), which are a gift to us bloggers but a nightmare for a country desperately in need of strong leadership. Ron Paul is probably the only serious and intelligent candidate...but is completely ignored (and considered crazy too).

A citizen of Zanesville, Ohio, opened a Safari Amusement Park in his city. The only problem was that it was out in the open and he didn't tell a soul before the grand opening. But it was a real success: 49 exotic animals were killed on the first day.

I still have no clue who is Snookie...except that she's loud, bitter, chunky and utterly insignificant. (and why should I care?). Which brings me to...

Kim Kardashian...*sight* (sticking a finger down my throat)...here's the second part of my reaction (see video):

The Kardashians are rumored to endorse fashion products manufactured in foreign sweatshops, where workers, some as young as 16 years old, are abused and virtually imprisoned. I have an idea. Maybe they should team up with Newt Gingrich in 2012 for a new Children Labour Program. Gingrich suggested that poor kids should work as janitors in schools. No kidding, the guy is suggesting it with a straight face!

Hey! Ain't nothing but a Circus. And that's why I enjoyed 2011. We are stuck with the clowns...might as well get a few laughs out of the situation.

2012 should be a hell of a ride too...with a great bang near the end of the year...and it won't be the Ball Drop in Central Park...but the end of the World on December 12.

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I would like to take this opportunity to wish you and your loved ones a Happy New Year. I Wish you all Peace, Love, Health, Happiness and Prosperity

I will post articles on December 31 (no rest for the wicked)...so stay tuned!!! It should be something special to start the New Year.

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THE HODGEPODGE

This week’s lucky number: The Clue. "Fall ______ times, stand up eight." - Japanese Proverb

Happy and Dandy Clown of the Week: Santa Claus. iTunes cards and apps make his bag lighter than in the past.

Sad Clown of the Week: Mrs Claus. She is not getting "any" while Santa Claus is too busy distributing gifts to all the children of the world.

Clever song lyrics: "Silent Night. Holy Night." - Song: Silent Night - Artist: Mahalia Jackson (Simply the best)

Cheesy song lyrics: "Ding dong, ding dong. Ding dong, ding dong." Song: Wonderful Christmas Time - Artist: Paul McCartney (That song is so annoying, it makes me feel like stabbing my eyes with plastic forks. Paul should have used a pseudo name for that one. John must be grinning in his grave every time that song plays).

Philosophical Quote of the week: (To go with your turkey dinner) "A census taker once tried to test me. I ate his liver with some fava beans and a nice Chianti." Character: Dr. Hannibal Lecter(wonderfully played by Sir Anthony Hopkins) - Movie: Silence of the Lambs

Floyd Mayweather Jr. (boxer) sentenced to 90 days in jail after pleading guilty: Anything...just anything to avoid a fight with Manny Pacquiao. I spy a coward!!!

I told you so (last week): My beloved Patriots beat Tim Tebow and the Broncos. But most of all, it proves my theory: God doesn't give a rat's ass about football. It's only men playing a game (for big bucks).

 

Love letters, comments, opinions and complaints: reflectionsonamoderncircus@gmail.com

News headlines from the year 2061

I pride myself on not trying to be the first one to emit an opinion on a subject the moment a story comes out. I think it's the main problem with today's media: it's more important to be the first one to report the news than to be accurate. You report...then you correct it...but only if you really have to (for example, because an injunction was granted against you by the Court).

It's very unfortunate because being right was traded for being quick...The "winner", as if it was a race. And because perception is reality, inaccurate news could be perceived as the truth: "Ma! Mus' be true...they said it on the Teeee Veeeee." (with your best southern accent). In other words, the news, and the media itself, could become effective tools of propaganda when controlled by the got-an-agenda crowd (see Fox News).

I always try to do the contrary with this blog, which is to take the time to get all of the facts straight and then, take a step back to figure out all of the angles. Reflect before writing instead of writing and then makes excuses or use spin.

But humans have a tendency to contradict themselves, and I'm no exception. But I will try do it with creativity. Instead of reporting news too quickly, I will simply anticipate the news. And since my crystal ball is very powerful...

I chose to simply give random real news headlines from the year 2061...

"I've seen the future, and it is much like the present, only longer."
- Dan Quisenberry, former Kansas City Royals pitcher


News headlines from the year 2061

"Occupy Wall Street: to commemorate its 50th anniversary, a judge permits the construction of a condo tower at the Zuccotti Park encampment to accommodate the members of the OWS movement."

"The new iPhone 37 allows to download songs directly into the brain."

"Man dies of a brain hemorrhage after he accidentally downloaded the song "Da da da" (by Trio) directly in his brain, with his new iPhone 37. The defective phone repeated the song 2500 times. Then the brain gave in."

"English language falls to third place among the official languages in the USA, after Spanish and Arabic."

"Cricket finally becomes a popular sport in the USA after tweaking its rules: all players must be sprayed with gasoline and the ball is put on fire."

"Keith Richards is back from the dead. Crawling out of his grave, he declared to the press: "Maybe as a human being I looked like rubbish, mate, but as a zombie, I look great! Marvelous!"

Keith Richards

"The inventor of the teletransporter (or teleporter) was convicted murder in the first degree for using his wife as a guinea pig, while testing the apparel, and sending her straight to the sun."

"Brett Favre wants to come full circle: plans a comeback at 92 years old with the Green Bay Packers. “I wanna win a second Super Bowl before I die", he declared after losing his denture."

"A new Beatles song was found on a cassette hidden in Yoko Ono’s cellar. It was written by John while singing in the shower. The song is call "Rub-a-dub my love". Sean Ono said: "We didn’t have anything to play the cassette."

"The latest Friday the 13th, Part 27, hits the theatres this Friday. In Part 27, Jason finally gets into a long awaited combat with Darth Vader." (Rated S for stupid)

"Apple, Inc. buys the patent for the teletransporter: its inventor becomes the richest life sentenced inmate in history."

"Vermont finally declares its independence from the USA."

"Walmart now sells breast implants. All their "associates" are said to be qualified to install them."

"The Chicago Cubs lose the 7th game of the World Series. The Cubs have not won a championship in more than 153 years."

"Scientists finally find the preventive cure to cancer: don't eat processed food, exercise, don't smoke, don't drink too much, don't eat too much, have a healthy love and sexual life and...laugh a little."

"Teletransporter inventor escapes from prison by recreating its invention in his cell."

"Woman kills 20 shoppers with a light sabre in a local store during Black Friday."

"NCAA Football is starting to think about replacing the BCS with playoffs."

"Walmart recalls all breast implants sold for incompatibility with the iPhone 37: the breasts implants dance uncontrollably to songs playing on the iPhone."

"Reflections on a Modern Circus, universally known blog (yeah! right!), including Jupiter and Saturn colonists, celebrates its 50th anniversary. Its founder, Michael Bigras, was at the hospital during the celebrations after fracturing his hip while typing his last blog article. "

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THE HODGEPODGE

This week’s lucky number:  The Clue. A convenience store: _______ Eleven.

Happy and Dandy Clown of the Week: The planet discovered by NASA. NASA has discovered a planet that seems to have similar conditions to the earth: a temperature of 22°C (72°F) and also has water. Good thing for the planet: our earth is 600 light years away from it...so we can't visit it and mess it up (with good intentions of "helping", of course).

Sad Clown of the Week: Me. Herman Cain has put an end to his campaign! With Rick Perry's campaign going down the drain, I am losing two easy sources of inspiration for comedy and satire. But hey! On the bright side, they both have no chance of becoming the President of the USA in 2012.

Clever song lyrics: "Poets, priests and politicians. Have words to thank for their positions. Words that scream for your submission." - Song: De do do do, de da da da - Artist: The Police

Cheesy song lyrics: "Like gasoline you wanna pump me. And leave me when you get your fill, yeah." Song: Unskinny Bop - Artist: Poison

Philosophical Quote of the week: "You know when you hear girls say "Ah man, I was so shit-faced last night, I shouldn't have fucked that guy?" We could be that mistake!" Character: Seth (wonderfully played by Jonah Hill) - Movie: Superbad

Good slogan for Newt Gingrich’s campaign: “Occupy my ass!” (And there would be plenty of space to do so).


Love letters, comments, opinions and complaints: reflectionsonamoderncircus@gmail.com