Every day Hell-oween

This week, I will stay off politics. So, instead of disgusting you, I will try to scare you. It's our Halloween special, Modern Circus style.

People love reality shows because they have the impression that it is real. Nowadays, we all know that most of them are scripted. At the very least, they're either staged or provoked by third parties...which are themselves, scripted.

But how would you feel if something straight out of the movies happened to you without notice? How would you feel if you became the hero (or victim!!) of a horror story writing itself as it occurs? It's all fun and games when you watch it on television. Living vicariously makes everyone a brave know-it-all hero. But if you became the one calling the shots, would you know what to do? Would you be a hero or a zero?

Let's say that you go to the mall. You want to buy a pair of slackers or maybe a Shamwow at the "As seen on TV" store. Then, the plan would lead you to the food court for a burrito or a two-scoops cone of ice cream. As you enter the mall, you smile like a child, knowing you are only a few minutes away from a double scoop of triple fudge and caramel ice cream when suddenly you feel something coming behind you. Is it a young boy running and not looking he's going? Or a policeman running to catch a shoplifter? As you turn around, holding the entrance door, you feel that something is just not right. Your brain finds it almost impossible to compute.

Horses are running towards you. And do you want to know why? A 300 pounds Bengal tiger is chasing them, soon followed by three leopards and one large grizzly bear. No it's not Jumanji. This is not taken from a movie. It's not fiction either. It happened for real, on October 18, 2011, in the woods surrounding the city of Zanesville, Ohio. A total of 56 exotic (and dangerous) animals were released from a local farm by its owner, who according to the latest news, committed suicide right after he freed them.

Schools were closed (thank God!!). Most of the residents stayed home, as the local authorities, none of them equipped with tranquilizer guns, hunted lions, tigers, leopards and grizzly bears (in Ohio...of all places!).

Of the 56 animals, 49 were killed (18 tigers, 17 lions, 6 black bears, 2 grizzly bears, 3 mountain lions, 2 wolves and 1 baboon). Those captured alive were taken to a local zoo. I guess that the Modern Circus wouldn't be a real circus without animals.

But just imagine the scene. You drive on the Interstate and suddenly, you have to hit the brakes to yield the way to a giraffe. By the way, just a question like that...Where do you buy lions, tigers, leopards, grizzly bears and baboons? Do you buy them on eBay? FedEx delivers them to you? But seriously, is it legal to own them?

But let's say, for the sake of argument, that you make it safely to the shopping mall. The ice cream seems a little further than before, all of the sudden. As you walk through the mall, you have again this strange feeling that something is coming behind you. As you turn around, your brain finds it almost impossible to compute...you see a woman rushing towards you with not one, not two, not even three, but four knives. And in a flash of the blade (no pun intended), you get stabbed repeatedly. Farfetched, you say? Too much Hollywood? Well hold your horses before you rush to conclusions. It really happened.

On May 25, 2005, a woman armed with 4 knives entered a shopping mall in Bethesda, near Washington D.C., and randomly attacked shoppers.

But let's say, for the sake of argument, that you made it safely out of the shopping mall. You ate your ice cream. You got your Shamwow. You decide to walk the streets of your city, you know, just to relax, when suddenly you are attacked by...mopeds!!!

Mopeds???

I promised I wouldn't tackle politics. But if you had to choose your poison, what would you choose? Bengal tigers, crazy person with knives or mopeds?

Although life is not easy, and in a blink of an eye it can become tragic and life threatening, we have to live our lives. If we stay home, isolated and scared, we are already dead. I believe that when your time has come, you will die, no matter what you do. In the meantime, might as well make the best of it. Live it as if it was your last day on this rock...because, it just might be!

Rule #1 of survival in this Modern Circus: Hope for the best, expect the worst.

And remember, it's all fun and games until someone steals your jersey...

I'm a huge New England Patriots fan. And it always hurts to see a favourite player, namely Rob Gronkowski, being attacked and having his Jersey taken away by a reckless thief. And don't be fooled by the size of the blond thief!! She must have tremendous powers to manage to take away the jersey from the 6'6 265 lbs Pats tight end. The blond burglar, Bibi Jones, is known to be a multi-tasker (Re: porn star) that has a specific talent to find the Achilles' heel in every sports' Trojans (no pun intended!). In this case, the weak spot is not a soft spot...So children, don't wear a Patriots uniform on Halloween. But if you have to, beware of petite blonds (unless you are a Dad and that's what you are exactly looking for!!).

But seriously, we are ways away from Tom Brady and Gisele Bündchen...

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Happy Halloween to all the kids...and all the kids at heart!!!

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THE HODGEPODGE

This week’s lucky number: The clue…The _________ Wonders of the World.

Clever song lyrics:  "I can't complain, but sometimes I still do." - Song: Life's been good - Artist: Joe Walsh.

Cheesy song lyrics: "You pulled the trigger of my love gun" - Song: Love gun - Artist: Kiss.

Bold Halloween costume: Black man that wears a Hitler costume with the short mustache screaming "Nine! Nine! Nine!" (Name of the costume: Herman Cain and his 9-9-9 plan).

Bad Halloween candy: Apples. Message to people giving apples: They're not candy!!!

What should happen to people giving apples instead of candy: Their Halloween pumpkins ought to be frantically stabbed with grapefruit spoons.

Quote of the week #1: “Are you disguised as a prostitute? Oh...you are not disguised...” – Anonymous shopping for a slap in the face.

Quote of the week #2: “Are you disguised as a pregnant woman? Oh...you are not disguised...Are you pregnant? Not pregnant either...oops!” – Anonymous shopping for a six pack of slaps in the face.

New name for the Texas Rangers (MLB baseball): The Texas Bills.


Love letters, comments, opinions and complaints: reflectionsonamoderncircus@gmail.com