Thursday, August 25, 2011

Cougars, Cheetahs, etc.

Last month, the lease on our car was up and we had to get a new one (how unfortunate).  With the new car, we got three months of complimentary satellite radio (Yeah!!).  For the first few weeks, we browsed through the channels frequently.  We’ve made the occasional stop on the Howard Stern channels.  We are not too fond of fart contests or fake boobs sweepstakes.  But we can surely appreciate the interaction between Stern and Robin Quivers during the news segment.  However, our comment today has nothing to do with them…It has more to do with some of the advertisements played on the Howard Stern show.  That instantly reminded us of our beloved Modern Circus…or should we say, zoo.

Our first stop is  “The premier cougar dating community” is their slogan.  First thing that popped into our mind: “Now, that could be dangerous!”.  Then we realized that they weren’t real cougars…

According to The Online Slang Dictionary, a cougar is “a middle-aged woman who seeks out much younger men for romance or physical intimacy”.  Ok.  Now that makes sense.

After all of this info, second thing that popped into our mind: “Now, that could be dangerous!”.  Indeed, the word carnivore may have different meanings too.

You have to hear their jingle:

Howard Stern would scream “Yeah! Baby!”.  But that is only the censored version of the commercial.  The one that plays on the Stern show is more…straight to the point, no detour, in your face: replace the word “date” with “bang”.  We hear that.  We live in a world that runs pretty fast.  Time is money.  No time to date…straight to the Bang!

Movin’ on.

Or maybe you are not into cougars.  Maybe you are married, or in a long term relationship, and you identify yourself as a Cheetah (We have a trademark for that word!!!).  Or if you prefer: Cheater.

Our surfing of satellite radio made us discover the resourceful  Life is short. Have an affair ®.  The world's leading married dating service for discreet encounters”.  Really?  A dating service for people already married?  So much for saying “honey, it’s not what you think.  It was an accident”.  We wonder if that Web site is directly sponsored by The Divorce Lawyers of America.

What does happen when the wife is both on and  Does that make her a Coutah?  Or a Cheegar?

What ever happen to the old fashioned way where the married man falls in love with a stripper?  Candy Cantaloupes and Bouncing Brenda would certainly agree with us.  “Our market is unstable.  We will need to diversify our services”, said Candy.  Well not exactly using those terms…but basically it was her message (actually lots of words including “job”, “hole” and “cluster”).

Some of you might say: “thanks for giving our significant others ideas how to cheat”.  Good point.  That said, we do not only point out the problem(s).  We also provide the solutions:  We would call this The Mama Bear.  This software permits you to record and take screenshots of the websites visited, emails sent and received, instant messages sent and received.  It even keeps track of chat room conversations.  As if it wasn’t enough, you would also be able to trace secret passwords and explore all of the accounts belonging to your “loved one” (hotmail, gmail, yahoo!, cougarlife, ashleymadison, etc.).

What if your significant other is discrete on the home computer (in other words, he or she does it at work)?  Well The Mama Bear has a second head:  A DNA test that quickly and easily detects “traces” left in undergarments or in bed after sex.  We won’t go into details, but part of the instructions is to wet the stain”.  We guess that you have to find a stain first.  But hey!  The kit even includes chirurgical gloves, so search away.

Suggestion: after relieving yourself alone in bed, while the significant other is gone, we recommend that you prevent the dog or cat to roll over in bed afterwards, you know, to avoid misunderstandings.  Needless to say that such a simple precaution could be the difference between a divorce and a very nasty divorce.

So, let’s review our Modern Circus (aka zoo) food chain: Cougars eat men (only).  Cheetahs eat women and men.  Mama Bear feasts on Cougars and Cheetahs…kicks women and men’s asses…then calls her favorite Divorce Lawyer.

New Character(s) brought to this Blog: Candy Cantaloupes and Bouncing Brenda (as themselves).

This week’s lucky number: 7 (Yes! Again! “Do you feel lucky, punk?...Well, do you?” – Dirty Harry/Clint Eastwood).

Personal message: To the guy walking on the sidewalk, screaming profanity at his girlfriend, and that is about to run into a parking meter because he’s only watching her: we say absolutely nothing…as we watch justice in the making (Who knows? Maybe a new You Tube viral video).

Quote of the week:Go for the happy endings, because life doesn’t have any sequels” – Crazy guy who thought he was a cat.

To do: smile more.

Rejected name for a Chinese restaurant: Meow.

Bad choice of a rock band name: God Himself could not sink this band (the band finally decided to choose the name The Titanic).

Love letters, comments, opinions and complaints:

1 comment:

  1. I've just downloaded iStripper, so I can watch the hottest virtual strippers on my desktop.