Saturday, September 24, 2011

The hypocrisy of the asterisk and the bleep

I don’t know about you, but when I hit my thumb with a hammer, “Kelly Clarkson” is not the first thing that comes to mind.  Neither does the expression “paper bag” (a suggestion that was made to me by an ex-mother-in-law to, you know...replace my swearing).

Needless to say, it wouldn’t be the first thing I would scream either.  As a matter of fact, I can think of at least of a hundred things that would come first.  Among them, more precisely, in the top 20, you would find most of the original Seven Words you can’t say on television, from the late George Carlin’s classic routine: Shit, Piss, Fuck, Cunt, Cocksucker, Motherfucker and Tits.

Although piss and tits seem to be more accepted on television nowadays (anyways, when I hit my thumb with a hammer, I’ve never cried piss or tits), the rest is to this day pretty much taboo.

But would people be less offended if wrote : Sh*t, P*ss, F*ck, C*nt, C*cksucker, Motherf*cker and T*ts.  It seems that The Drama Queen Media thinks it’s less offensive.  Or how about when they blur the middle finger of someone giving the finger on tv?  Do they think we are too stupid to figure out that blur hides a finger?

Let me get this straight.  Everyone knows it’s a finger.  So why should I be less offended by not actually seeing it?  I’ve seen a finger before.

You know why?  That’s bulls*t! (Yeah! I know. Easy one...). Movin’ on...

So we have the asterisks for the written words, the blur for the images...but how about the sound?  Well, there’s something for that too: the bleep!!

Here’s a realistic example (be patient, it really starts at 0:07):

But seriously.  Every time we hear the bleep, we instantly know it’s a “bad” word.  Why hide it?  It’s not as if we can’t handle the difference between fuck and shit.  Or between fuck you and fuck off?  Either way, we get the drift: there’s a disagreement.  And if we hear bleep!! bleep!! bleep!! bleep!!...we’re pretty sure it’s not “Kel-ly-Clack-son”.

It’s all about conventions and cultures anyways.  Some people chose fuck as a filthy word a long time ago.  It doesn’t mean as much in other languages.  French Canadians use names of objects from the Catholic Church as swearing words.  People from France don’t relate to it at all, although they speak the same language.

Oh! But what if CHILDREN heard that?  They wouldn't be scarred for life, would they?  Well there are no bleeps for parents.  I hear parents dropping f-bombs in front of their children every day.  There are no bleeps for a drunken homeless man telling me, in so many (precise) words, how much he doesn’t like me, in front of my son (true story).  There are no bleeps for adults arguing about “rules of courtesy” in rush hour traffic.

It’s part of our lives.  We can be hypocrites about it and hide our heads in the sand.  You can bleep it all you want but our children are bound to hear it daily.  And since it’s forbidden for them to swear, it becomes a lot more attractive as they grow older.  Forbidden things are sexy to humans.  Just ask Adam and Eve about the forbidden fruit.

Why not censor the realistic violence on the news?  Or the hip hop videos where you see men treat women like objects (or if you prefer, garbage).  Or MMA fights?

Or how about censoring “philosophers” and “prophets” (being sarcastic) that have huge ratings in the US of A and that say, freely, unique “gems” like:
  •  "I just wish Katrina had only hit the United Nations building, nothing else, just had flooded them out, and I wouldn't have rescued them."Bill O’Reilly, radio and tv host
  • "Feminism was established so as to allow unattractive women easier access to the mainstream of society." - Rush Limbaugh, talk radio host
  • "I'm thinking about killing Michael Moore, and I'm wondering if I could kill him myself, or if I would need to hire somebody to do it. ... No, I think I could.” – Glenn Beck, radio and tv host
  • "The only [Katrina victims] we're seeing on television are the scumbags." – Glenn Beck, radio and tv host
  • "Blowing up Iran. I say we nuke the bastards. In fact, it doesn't have to be Iran, it can be everywhere, anyplace that disagrees with me." - Glenn Beck, radio and tv host
Glenn Beck has to be our favourite clown of the Modern Circus.  If Beck was a movie villain, people would say Hollywood exaggerated again.

I don’t know about you, but I would prefer my son to listen to a stand-up comedian swearing once in a while than him listening to Glenn Beck, Bill O’Reilly or Rush Limbaugh.  At least, the comedian makes you laugh.

I’m all for free speech.  But why do we always focus on the small insignificant things?  If you don’t agree with me, every time you hit your little toe on a table leg, try to scream “paper bag” or “jeepers” and drop me an e-mail.

Oh! Yeah! By the way, here’s the following scene after the “Kelly Clarkson” cry:

I knew it.  Kelly Clarkson is just not enough.  And just imagine the colourful would be weather reports with Dusty Sunshine, The Weatherman: “Tomorrow, it’s gonna fuckin’ pour, baby.  We’re talking fuckin’ dogs here…and all the shit”.

New Character(s) brought to this Blog: Glenn Beck, Bill O’Reilly and Rush Limbaugh as the Straightjacket Models Trio.
This week’s lucky number: Big surprise this week.  The lucky number is fffffffffffffffffffooled ya! It’s 7 again.
Personal message: To the guy with a comb over: “Are you trying to pull up your back hair too?”.
To do: rest (and if lucky, sleep more).
Bad jokes when you are at the customs: “Do I carry any weapons? No. Do you know a place where I can get some?”
Bad name for a rock band: Neil and Michaele’s Journey (if you don’t get it, Google the three names altogether)
Love letters, comments, opinions and complaints:


  1. The FCC needs to make money somehow...

  2. @Shayna: Thanks for your comment.

    And they need to control people, as if they were children.

  3. Just like the entire government - state and federal - seem to be trying to do (slowly - but not so surely!)